Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
