Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
