the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I need to align my fucking chakras
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
