I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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