he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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