I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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