you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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