The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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