I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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