You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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