i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
