fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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