new low.... made out with someone while peeing
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
