brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Enjoy the penises
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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