Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
