it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
