so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
