Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
