: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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