After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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