it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
