And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she told me i tasted like america
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
