im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
