I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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