You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
