I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
