you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
No stitches, just platelets and will power
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
