dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
