and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He passed out mid-signature
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
