i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
