He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
