did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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