I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
