I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
