Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
