i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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