I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
