I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
