drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
