you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
