I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
