You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
