Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
