Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
