I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
