I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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