You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
