im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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