Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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