she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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