I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
