i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
