The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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