let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
