You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
