i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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