im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
