Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
