It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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