Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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