you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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